I had hope

I had hope that maybe we were getting past some issues with Lola, we hadn't had any major successes, but there was less screaming. Plus, I had a really encouraging talk with my Mom on Sunday night. I was really having a tough time with whether Lola's issues were emotional or physical or both, and how much pain she was actually in. (was she overreacting? Was it for attention?) My mom and I talked and she said I needed to focus less on the cause of the behavior and more on the actual behavior. I may never know if her issues are purely mental or physical or how much pain she is actually in, but I do know that her screaming fits aren't helping. The screaming isn't making the pain less, and it isn't helping her go potty (in fact its probably hindering) So I came up with something I could do. I decided that when she had screaming fits, that I would calmly tell her that screaming wasn't helping her, or making it hurt less, and that if she wanted my help to go on the potty or she wanted to be in the living room with Greta and I, that she needed to stop screaming. If she wanted to go into her room and scream, that was fine with me.

So I was all excited about having something I could do,  and something I didn't feel was torturous or that gave me enormous mom guilt. So I had hope and encouragement and a purpose. It took me all of 48 hours to lose it.

Tonight was not a good night. It was Corey's birthday and I wanted to have my parents over to celebrate because they are gone this weekend. I planned a meal of some of Corey's favorites and was excited for company. Unfortunately about 4:00 Lola started her screaming fits. I was calm and collected for the most part, but inside I was not. I was so looking for Corey to have a nice meal and to enjoy our evening. Instead when the girls went to bed, he left for a friends house, because  let's face it...Who wants to be here during this? I am so frustrated and worn out, and just when I think its getting better it gets worse. I am so tired of being nervous every time we leave the house, or just wanting to stay home and not risk it. I am so tired of not wanting to go outside and play because we have to troop back in every 10 minutes to go to the potty. I am tired of seeing Lola in pain; no matter if its physical or emotional or all in her head. I'm tired of complaining about this issue, I am tired of talking about it. I try to think of all the much worse things it could be, and I know there are plenty.

If there is any good that came of tonight's episode, it's that I now have Corey's full support on requesting a specialist. So tomorrow I will call the doctor and request a referral to a GI specialist. Or a psychiatrist. We'll see how I feel in the morning. The GI would be for Lola, the psychiatrist for me. (joking, I think)

Thanks for reading my depressing drama... I feel better getting it out there and hopefully in short while, we will have answers and this will be but a distant memory. Poor Lola, I am sure her 16 year old self will hate me for sharing her potty issues with the world ;)